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The REAL Blake Shelton reads, while naked AND nude: Alpaca poetry gone wild

10 May

Recently a friend of mine posted about the tags in her blog that generated the most hits.

While I’ve ranted about my most popular tag here already, I thought it was time to a) look at the cold hard statistics, and b) reveal the little experiment I’ve been running.

When asked if I want the good news or the bad news first, I always like to reserve the good news to serve as a balm to help me heal after being kicked in the googlies by the bad news. So here’s the good news:

I’ve been running an experiment, inserting specific, unrelated tags into my blog posts to see which ones generated hits. Here are the tags I used:

  • Blake Shelton naked
  • Wil Wheaton naked
  • Rush Limbaugh naked
  • Benedict Cumberbatch naked

This is good news because science, and its use, is always good news.

Now for the bad news:

I weep for the human race.

‘Rush Limbaugh naked’ only lost to ‘Wil Wheaton naked’ by three percentage points. THREE PERCENTAGE POINTS! RUSH LIMBAUGH? How is that even possible?? Lovecraft couldn’t have imagined a horror that terrifying (or more non-Euclidean in its geometry)! Click on image to see the horror in full-sized clarity.

Clearly there is no hope for Humanity.

The only thing more disturbing than the huge landslide win achieved by ‘Blake Shelton naked’ is all the various misspelled and I-don’t-know-what versions of that phrase dumped into search engines that landed these sick freaks at my blog.

To spare my gentle readers (i.e., those not here to gawk at Blake Shelton), I aggregated them all into the Blake + Shelton + [some form of 'undressed'] category. Here are some of the more family-friendlyish variations on this nudie Blake concept:

  • the naked blake shelton (not to be confused with all those naked Blake Shelton impersonators)
  • blake shelton gets naked
  • blake shelton nake
  • blake shelton nude fakes (oh wait, there are impersonators out there!)
  • blake shelton completely naked (look, either you’re naked or you’re not naked – none of this I-can’t-decide nonsense in your internet-posted pictures, please. If the focus is so bad I can’t tell whether or not you’re completely naked, don’t bother posting it (though in the case of Blake Shelton, I thank you for the poor focus))
  • black shelten nacked
  • blake shelton nakt

Blake shelton nakt? Is there no end to your depravity, internet?

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to rinse my eyes out in bleach, then drill some holes into my skull to destroy two parts of my brain, the section that make mental pictures out of words that I read and the section that remembers those pictures.

And now, a word from our sponsor: me! My books are available!
 

The Santa Claus Gang:

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Marlowe and the Spacewoman:

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So bad it won a Voidy for the next THREE consecutive years (would have been FOUR, but 2012 was a leap year)

 

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2 responses to “The REAL Blake Shelton reads, while naked AND nude: Alpaca poetry gone wild

  1. Belenda Kemp

    10 May 2012 at 3:02 pm

    Wait, no one wanted to see naked pictures of Benedict Cumberbatch, for shame. Thanks foe the chuckle.

     
    • ianmdudley

      10 May 2012 at 10:18 pm

      Chuckle? The fact that more people searched for ‘Rush Limbaugh naked’ than ‘Benedict Cumberbatch naked’ makes you chuckle? It makes me weep.

      And I’m supposedly the crazy one… ;)

       

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