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Did you see last night’s season finale? No? Then here are some spoilers!

28 Aug

This one goes out to, as Dr. House would say, the morons out there who watch their favorite TV shows and then, before the phosphors on the screen have cooled, screen cap scenes containing major spoilers and post them online.

Knock if off, douche bags.

There are two types of people out there who might have the misfortune of stumbling across your online inanity:

Fans of the show and the vast majority of the rest of the world.

The fan base breaks down into a further two categories:

Those who have seen the show and don’t care about your stupid screen caps.

Those who haven’t seen it yet and would hunt you down and kill you for revealing those spoilers if they could do it without expending any time or effort to do so.

The rest of the world, which I suspect you will find the hardest to understand, just doesn’t give a flying fiddler’s frack about your glib commentary. At best, they view your half-assed efforts as a waste of pixels and bandwidth.

If you haven’t figured I it out yet, what I’m saying is this:

The only person who thinks these posts of yours are clever/entertaining is you.

This is the reason I loathe you, TV show screen cap blogger.

But, you protest, how could anyone not love my show, which is the bestest, most dramaticist, most awesomeist, Benedict-Cumberbatchy show evar, and therefore welcome with great eagerness any posts on the internet that are related to it, no matter how tangentially?

Let me illustrate.

Pretend my favoritest show evar is NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams.

The screen caps and commentary below are exactly how people view your screen caps about True Blood, or The Vampire Diaries, or Supernatural, or Sherlock, or whatever program floats your boat.

F*CK! HUGE STORM AHEAD!!!! ON NOES!!! LOOKOUT!!!! WATCHOUT!!!! YIKES! Colorful too.

Oh my GAWD! I totally didn’t see that tropical storm coming!!!!! Brian is so regal as he dispenses this unwelcome plot twist!

I AM SUCH A BADASS, BRIAN! I'M STANDING NEXT TO A BODY OF WATER IN NEW ORLEANS WHEN A STORM IS APPROACHING! YEEHAW, I'M A COWBOY!!!!!

Ooh, hunky correspondent in New Orleans! I’d like to see him with his shirt off!!!

Blue screen, or are they really there? I can't imagine the budget of a show that films at an actual convention. Then again, maybe they rented an auditorium and filled it with extras?

The set design on the interior of this convention shot – made my day! Clearly influenced by post-modernism and football stadiums. The set designers on this show are geniuses!!!

The ultimate unexpected plot twist

On noes! They killed off Neil Armstrong! I HATE Joss Whedon! He’s always doing that!

This is why Brian Williams is so awesome - he's such a sweetheart to the fans!

I tots did NOT see the gay love between Brian and John coming! Totally caught off guard! But isn’t it time our news programming had more gay-friendly plots in it? (Because let’s face it, Anderson Cooper is anything but friendly.)

Was that entertaining? Did you read this and suddenly feel an irresistible urge to rush to MSNBC and re-watch the news feed?

I didn’t think so.

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Posted by on 28 August 2012 in Conspiracies Out To Get Me, Life

 

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