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The Much Loved Query Response Letter

Publishers are sh*t-eating mo-fos who deserve to die the most outlandish, B horror movie way possible, caption notwithstanding.

You will never receive a form letter from a publisher. Even in the unlikely case of a rejection, they always hand-craft the nicest, most details rejections, nudging you into the right direction should you wish to make some edits and try again. The publisher’s response is always the highlight of my submission process.

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I wished to introduce the kiddo gently into the world of publishing, hence this very positive reply. Only when the kiddo is a jaded high schooler who would find generic, form-letter rejection ironic would I attempt to inject any realism into the experience. High school is when our youth realize just how terrible the world is and their dreams become crushed, empty husks. A rejection letter won’t even register against that.

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