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Why is my left arm suddenly numb?

I have an AED strapped to my other wrist.

According to my FibBit and reports on NPR, my heart has stopped beating. Also, before pledge drive season, my arms were as smooth and hairless as a baby’s butt. Anxious Hair Growth syndrome strikes again, dammit. Also also, those 1980 steps? I haven’t gotten out of bed yet. Thanks, Obama, I mean, NPR.

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You try to be healthy when all the electronics in your life are trying to kill you. Oh how I yearn for the days of spring-loaded, fully mechanical pedometers. At least they can’t electrocute me…

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