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tl;dr: crows in trenchcoats scaring (and scarring) my kiddos

This was going to be an actual episode of Murder: She Wrote, but then the producers served me with a cease and desist letter regarding unsolicited manuscripts.

If you think this is tt;dr (too tiny, didn’t read), you should know I modified the word processor to print for microfiche.

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Names redacted to protect the innocent from History’s derisive footnote snorts.

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