Exciting news here on the family front! I’m pleased to announce a new addition to the family!
Yes, that’s right, the Missus and I are grandparents!
Now I can see you there, scratching your heads, thinking “One of those little scamps is a father?” and asking aloud, “Hold on just a moment there, fellas, aren’t his kids pre-adolescents?”
To which I respond, “Never underestimate the power of technology!”
That’s right. While there are couples out there occasionally making the news due to their attempts to conceive and carry a baby post-menopause, our family has used the miracles of modern science to not just buck the trend, but reverse it!
So it is with great pride that I present to you Rocky, our grandstone and newest addition to the family!
Yes, with the latest in super glue and googly eye technology, my son was able to conceive (of) and create a pet rock.
He has his father’s eyes. Literally. We bought them at the craft store. Whole bag, $1.99.
But not just any pet rock. As my son said once the glue was dry enough for him to carry Rocky around:
“If I’m his dad, that makes you (to the Missus) his grandmother and you (to me) his grandfather!”
I have to say, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Look at those chiseled good looks. He’s got a face that should be carved into a cliff face.
To be honest, neither the Missus nor I are sure we’re ready to be grandparents. I always assumed I had at least another ten years before that became a possibility, let alone a reality. And here we are, still struggling with the responsibilities of being parents: helping with homework, wiping noses, comforting and bandaging, teaching them how to fence.
And now add to that the need to teach them (well, just the one, really) how to be a good parent.
A good single parent. Yikes, how did we screw up raising them to the point that he’s a single dad?
Should the sex talk have come earlier? Would it have done any good given that the sex talk was not going to include anything about pet rocks?
I can feel the panic setting in. What have we done?! How can they be parents already, with so much still to learn?
How can we be grandparents, with so much still to teach?
On the other hand, I have the cutest, most adorable, most perfect grandchild ever. I could stare at him for hours (just as he can, and does, stare at me for hours).
Strangely, the sleepless nights have not fallen on the single dad, but instead, somehow, the Missus and I have gotten screwed, yet again, on that aspect of having a newborn in the family.
And don’t get the Missus started on the breastfeeding!