RSS

Category Archives: 3D sound

I Kept Screaming For Peace And Quiet, And Now I’m Deaf In One Ear

When you’re dealing with a high stress job, kiddos at that certain age where they are loud and boisterous (approximately 0 to 21-years old), dealing with a dog suffering from the canine equivalent of Tourette’s Syndrome (bark bark BARK nonstop!!!), and abnormally high levels of anxiety, you tend to find yourself wishing you couldn’t be found.

Wanting some solitude, that is.

Peace.

Quiet.

Freedom from ominous crashing sounds in the next room.

A distinct lack of audible vibrations and sudden movement.

But it never works out that way, and you (and by you, I mean me) start yelling and screaming every time someone generates a sound louder than a matchstick slowly settling to the bottom of a glass of water.

A glass that’s actually made from wax-coated paper.

Soft, flexible, sound-absorbing wax-coated paper.

(You know what also doesn’t help? The computer you’re using crashing three times while you attempt to write this blog post, requiring you to disassemble it, vacuum out all the dust inside, reassemble it, turn it on, then wait ten minutes for the OS to scan and repair the disk. Seriously doesn’t help.)

Eventually, the people (and dog) around you figure out they better turn it down to -11 if they want to keep their skins attached to their bodies and you can finally relax a bit.

Ha ha, just kidding. They never figure this out.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:

People (and this particular dog) are stupid.

So you yell and scream some more and then that pesky ear infection gets worse and after waiting a week and a half for an appointment the doctor looks in your ear, makes a very disquieting “Hmm, that’s interesting” sound, followed by him squeezing a thick ointment into said misbehaving ear canal.

An ointment that effectively leaves you deaf on one side for two weeks while your body slowly absorbs the infection-killing goo that’s all up in your ears.

You’d be forgiven for thinking this would reduce your wall-of-noise-that-won’t-go-away problem by 50%.

Forgiven, but still wrong.

Because now you can’t hear people when they’re talking to you (and you want/need to hear them), you can still hear the unwanted noise through the other ear, you can no longer accurately gauge the direction said annoying noise is coming from¹, and on top of that, your brain decides, “Hey, it’s waaay too quiet on that side of my head. Far more quiet than I’m accustomed to. I better generate a never-ending ringing sound to compensate. Ah yeah, that’s it. That’s the stuff. Oh yeah. Ring-a-ding-ding.”

Because, and I’ve said this before, many times, my brain is a jerk.

So if you don’t hear from me for a while, it’s because I’ve gotten over my financial anxiety long enough to buy an isolation tank with built-in white noise generator.

Or I’ve filled both ears with caulk and then super-glued noise-canceling headphones over that sticky mess.

Either way, I’m probably miserable and, unable to hear my phone, won’t be returning your calls.

¹ This is a seriously disturbing side effect of being deaf in one ear. At night, I can still hear the Missus breathing (and snoring…ahem), but because the ear closest to her is blocked, it sounds like someone is breathing on the other side of me! Yes, I bought the larger isolation tank, but after that first night, I had to kick her out.

Advertisements
 
Leave a comment

Posted by on 21 January 2019 in 3D sound, Angst, Life

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

My car was dirty, I had a microphone, and Oxford comma later, *BAM*, ASMR video!

I don't know where this is, but I'm quite sure it won't smell too pretty when I get out.

This is how I imagine it might look if I was eaten by Cthulhu and then, inexplicably, regurgitated. Yes, that is the imagination life dealt me. You should be so lucky.

Tip to the aspiring ASMR artist – always do a test run. I did, using an old cell phone as a camera, and the cell phone overheated, causing the software to “shut down some apps” to help it cool.

Included in the shut down apps?

The camera software.

Sigh.

Sorry. Life has been crazy. No real updates, just this video. If you actually bother to watch, wear headphones. I made it for listening, not really watching. You know, 3D sound and all that.

And as an added bonus, it’s short.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on 29 August 2016 in 3D sound, Angst, Life

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

That’s not ambient sound. That’s the sound of victory! Or coffee being brewed. Maybe both.

So I’ve been playing with my Zoom H4n recorder that I mentioned in a previous post. You know, the one that’s made me more self-aware.

I’ve used it in a lot of settings:

Sitting down to a family dinner.

While reading a bedtime story to the kiddos.

During an argument with the Missus so I could point out later the exact moment where I won.

(Note to self: pointing out where I won an argument with the Missus leads to a far more unpleasant argument that I definitely lose.)

Using the toilet to study the direction water flows when flushed.

But none of those seemed…appropriate to share. Those recordings are either too intimate or too “Eww, my ears! I can’t unhear that!”

So I did the unthinkable.

I went outside.

Now while you can’t hear it, there is sunlight out there. It burns your skin with prolonged exposure.

Or, if you’ve been holed up in a darkened room with nothing but an LCD screen as a source of illumination for years, a not-so-prolonged exposure.

I wanted to share the sound of me slathering on sunscreen, but the Missus informs me that is one of those “Eww, my ears!” moments.

The Missus also said the only safe way to do this is to take myself almost entirely out of the equation.

So I did. I’m in the recording, but only as an observer. And the sound of my observing is very, very faint.

Also, at a frequency only dogs can hear.

Which explains all the howling in the background.

So, without further delay, I present to you the deeply not profound, and absolutely, totally, completely devoid of any sorts of Easter eggs at all, me writing in a crowded coffee shop.

The sound quality is so good you can hear the cockroaches mixed in with the coffee beans scream when the barista grinds them.

Mmm, cockroach-flavored coffee.

Hey, don’t knock it! At least it isn’t that coffee picked out of cat poop or elephant feces!

 
1 Comment

Posted by on 7 October 2014 in 3D sound, Writing

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

 
%d bloggers like this: