I worry a lot. At first, I thought it might have something to do with being a new parent. But then I realized I’m worried about a lot more than just my kids. I’m worrying about everything.
Sure, I worry about the usual things with my kids. Are they allergic to peanuts? Will they find a plastic bottle cap somewhere and choke on it? Have they figured out how to open doors? If so, does that mean they might run outside and get hit by a car? Have they figured out where my plutonium collection is and will they try to play with it?
But I also worry about other things. Just before I use my badge to open the door at work, I worry that it won’t unlock the door because I’ve been fired and/or laid off. Every single time.(I blame the layoff I went through a couple of years ago for that.)
When the phone rings, my first thought is, “Oh no, someone has died.” And then I worry about who it is who just died. I do this even when my mother-in-law calls from work to talk to my wife. She calls every morning at the same time. I know it’s her. And yet I still worry someone has died.
When I get in the car to drive somewhere, I worry that I’ll be in an accident. I worry that I’ll be killed. I worry not because I fear death, but because I fear leaving my kids without a dad.(Well okay, maybe there is a little fear of death too.)
I worry about crime, food poisoning, that the guy who installed our cable in the bedroom dipped our toothbrushes in the toilet while we weren’t looking, bullets fired in the air landing on my house and on me or my kids, global warming, a new global ice age (apparently the sunspot cycle is such that this might happen), high food prices, health care when I retire, my teeth falling out, terrorism, running out of baby powder. I’m also a little worried that I might be a bit neurotic.
When this first started, I thought it was related to my children being born. But clearly this goes beyond just my kids. It finally dawned on me that this is due to age. I’m getting older and I’ve had more experience, and it’s easier for me to see all the things that could go wrong. I think being a writer plays into this as well, because being a writer means I have a very active imagination.(But then I worry my imagination isn’t active enough!)
As there is very little I can do to control most of these possibilities (except maybe flossing and brushing more frequently to protect my teeth), ignorance truly is bliss. But as soon as I think that, I start to worry about the things that could go wrong that I haven’t thought of. And then I start to worry about the impact on my health of all this worrying.
(I’m also really worried that nobody’s reading this blog. And then I start to worry that maybe one of the people who is reading this blog will stalk me. Because with all my other problems, I really need to have a boiled rabbit left on my doorstep.)
What do you worry about? Do you worry about bloggers who worry too much? I worry that you do.
ian m dudley 