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Activist lawmakers – they make activist judges look almost impartial!

If I had a hammer, I would wake my neighbor, pounding out a rhythm, all about my opinion and why it should be law!

These gavels are veterans in the long war over Truth, Justice, and the American Way. Also rumored to be faster than a speeding bullet.

There’s been a lot of whining about activist judges destroying the Constitution and undermining the rule of law.

Screw that, I’m worried about something far more terrible.

Yes, there is something even worse than the existence of judges who have the temerity to interpret laws and how they relate to the Constitution:

Activist lawmakers.

Just saying the words makes me feel dirty.

And strangely aroused.

Ahem. Activist lawmakers are members of state and federal legislative branches who pass laws to fit their political, social, and/or religious agendas, regardless of pesky things like rational discourse and critical thinking.

They allow their personal beliefs and, in some cases, political donations, to color their legislative record, to determine what they think should be the final outcome of any and every vote.

Shocking.

Disgusting.

Surprisingly lucrative.

To the activist lawmaker, the Constitution is merely an inconvenient set of guidelines that they ought, but aren’t strictly required, to adhere to.

For these legislators-with-an-agenda, the Bill of Rights is the merest of speed bumps on the road to legislating “this is how I see it, and I’m right, dammit!”

Checks and balances are a contrived annoyance that they will somehow, no matter how improbably, link to Communists, Socialists, and crack-addicted Libertarians.

Facts and figures are part of the ‘fog of war’, obstacles to ignore, or if that proves too impractical, to overcome if they’re to win the war they think they’re fighting.

And you can always tell an activist lawmaker because they’re constantly talking about the war on America, or the American people, or the rights of the American people. Or Christmas.

A war usually spearheaded by activist judges, it turns out.

The final hallmark of activist lawmakers, the big give-away that reveals their true nature?

They pass sloppily written laws that activist judges are then forced to interpret.

If that wasn’t enough, then there’s the Executive Branch activists. Don’t get me started on them!

Although sometimes I wonder if the Executive Branch is the only thing protecting us from the tyranny of the majority…in the Legislative Branch.

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So bad it won a Voidy for the next THREE consecutive years (would have been FOUR, but 2012 was a leap year)

 

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Don’t, Don’t, Don’t Edit Your Book! It’ll Dilute the Genius!

Sunday morning I jammed my index finger into a TV stand, drawing blood and tearing the nail.

Indexing for the next couple of weeks will be unbearably uncomfortable.

Indexing isn’t a job for me. It’s a way of life.

This is so unfair.

Ever Since The New Leap Year Rules, I Don't Remember What Time It's Supposed To Be

Midnight and the sun is up? If you live in the Lower Forty-Eight, that means my plan was enacted!

I blame this incident on Daylight Savings Time.

Oh sure, every time the time changes, it’s time for some time-sensitive yahoos to come out of the woodwork and repeat themselves repetitively about how much they hate changing the time for Daylight Savings Time. Again.

Where are these whiners when we gain an hour, I ask you? Sleeping in, that’s what!

Bastards.

I can sympathize. I had to work Sunday, so I was up an hour earlier than usual, normally the crack of dawn, but this Sunday an hour before the crack of dawn. As such, I was suffering from the sort of exhaustion that kind of lack of sleep causes.

This makes Daylight Savings Time 50% responsible for my injury.

The other 50%? Not enough slack on the charge cord for my phone, which was resting on the TV stand. I pulled too hard, it didn’t give, and rather than send the phone flying off the stand, I instinctively thrust my hand forward to prevent said flight and the inevitable crash landing-induced damage that my phone would have incurred.

I have bad instincts and, even worse, a brand new, expensive phone.

But this whole incident reminded me (and continues to remind me while the fingertip is bruised and scabbed, and the fingernail rent) about my brilliant leap year idea.

Which led directly to my discovery that editors are killjoys. They just don’t get my brilliance.

Here’s what I mean. As I mentioned three paragraphs earlier, I had a brilliant idea about leap year. The following is an actual transcript of a conversation between myself (brilliant idea haver) and my wife (proxy for editor for purposes of this argument and all-around killjoy):

Brilliant me: I had this brilliant idea for a new way to deal with leap years.

Reluctant to get dragged into another one of these conversations missus: Yeah?

Brilliant me: Instead of getting one whole day every four years, they should give us six hours every February 28th. At midnight, roll the clock back six hours and let us do whatever we want.

RTGDIAOOTC missus: Um..?

Brilliant me: Every four years, that adds up to one day! But we gain six hours to bum around, or relax, or cook up a huge list of even more brilliant ideas to improve the world. People are going to be so thrilled, I could get elected President of Canada based on this idea alone!

RTGDIAOOTC missus: Honey, Canada doesn’t have a President. They have a Prime Minister.

Brilliant, politically ambitious me: OK, then, Prime Minister.

RTGDIAOOTC missus: You aren’t Canadian.

Brilliant me: Fine. I’ll settle for President of the United States.

RTGDIAOOTC missus: This idea isn’t going to get you elected President. Maybe Governor. Of Colorado. But don’t hold your breath.

Brilliant me: I don’t want to move to Colorado.

RTGDIAOOTC missus: Let’s put aside your political ambitions, just for a moment. You seem to be overlooking an important fact.

Brilliant me: Not possible! [pause while face screwed up in thought] What fact?

RTGDIAOOTC missus: An astronomical fact. The sun is still going to come up at the same time, no matter what our clocks say. If you add six hours to the day, our schedules will fall out of sync with sunrise and sunset.

Brilliant, but now nonplussed me: Say that again?

RTGDIAOOTC missus: [rolls eyes] Say you roll the clock back six hours. At the new midnight, it’s six AM old time, and the sun is up. So now the sun is up at midnight.

Brilliant and misunderstood me: I hate you.

And this is why editors are killjoys. They read our manuscripts and then gleefully direct our attention to typos, plot holes, and characters whose names change several times over the course of the book. Then they smugly point out how finding these trivial issues will prevent a lot of angry, humiliating reviews on Amazon and Barnes and Noble about how stupid your book is.

Never mind that it’s the story that matters. The overarching, brilliant story that will suck the reader in and blind them to any alleged errors.

And maybe, just maybe, that apparently random name changing was intentional and actually a metaphor for the fluidity of life and friendships and our connections to other people! Huh? Did you ever think of that, Mrs. WifeyEditor???

Like I said, editors just don’t get brilliance.

And don’t forget that in pointing these alleged problems out, editors invariably foist a huge amount of ‘extra’ work on the poor, hapless authors who now, in addition to dealing with the crushing depression of having the my-novel-is-finally-done! rug pulled out from under them, must also fix all these supposed issues.

We don’t want to hurt the cursed editor’s feelings, because who knows what they’d complain about in your next book if they’re mad at you!

Bad enough when the editiing is done for free by friends or family. Even worse, though, are those cases where you’ve paid a ‘professional’ for the ‘pleasure’ of this editing.

It’s like paying extra for the privilege of staying late at work or to come in on the weekends for the day job (or, if my leap year plan is ever enacted, sometimes night job).

I can’t tell you how angry all this extra work makes my.*

And I won’t even go into the drama I’m currently experiencing with my critique groups. Bunch a killjoys!

* I am proud to say that this post has been, and always will be, editor-gfree!

And now, a word from our sponsor: me!
 
My book, (the edited) Marlowe and the Spacewoman, is out!
 

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Posted by on 13 March 2012 in Other Blogs

 

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