I had this epiphany yesterday:
Slow down.
Relax. Don’t rush from problem to problem.
The world won’t end if you take an extra five minutes to respond to something.
I felt calmer and less stressed out when I recognized this and actually slowed down.
It lasted about an hour before life said, “F*ck you, no. Get over here and deal with this now!”
It was nice while it lasted, and I’m constantly struggling to find my way back to that state of mind…
Driving to an appointment, I see a young woman walking on the sidewalk.
She’s walking in the opposite direction, swinging her arms as she does a little dance.
Her fingers snapping, I can’t help but smile at this unassuming display.
She completely lacks self-awareness, clearly lost in a blissful moment all her own.
She’s happy.
I wish I could feel that contentment, that freedom from concern about the world crowding around me.
And for a moment, seeing the possibility proven, I do.
Then the light changes, gears grind, and I’m driving again, in the opposite direction.
Prompt: What was the last thing you searched for online? Why were you looking for it?
I was searching for happiness.
Lots of companies claim to be offering it, but so far, the orders delivered have disappointed.
Concentrated happiness is rare and expensive, so I should have realized the cheap stuff was fake.
The powder showing up in an unlabeled Ziplock bag should have been a clue, too.
And having to order off of Etsy…
There are some legitimate, verified sources of human happiness, but the costs there are prohibitive.
They involve pair bonding, marriage, and often kids.
Sometimes, a dog is in the mix, too.
(But never cats. Never those bastards.)
Strangely, those sources of happiness don’t include money.
Ironic, considering the high cost…
So now I’m dealing with targeted ads that seem more geared towards lonely incels than people seeking happiness.
Strange what the algorithm ends up choosing…
But every time I feel like giving up in despair, I look up from my tiny phone screen and see The Missus, the Kiddos, and the Shaggy Beast.
And can’t remember what I thought I needed or why…
Prompt: List 30 things that make you happy.
#1: Daily prompts that don’t take a long time to write.
You know, Name One Thing…, Five Best…, or even, on the outside, Top 10 type prompts.
Not effin’ thirty!
#2: People who respect that my time is a valuable, limited resource.
Unlike the nimrods cranking out these prompts with all the time and effort one normally gives to passing gas.
#3: People who use their God-damned turn signals appropriately while driving.
That doesn’t mean having it on is a get-out-of-jail-free card. It means using it to accurately signal your intent in a timely fashion.
#4: My knowledge that no one really cares or wants to read about thirty things I like.
Or anyone else likes, for that matter.
#5: Being able to tell the daily prompt folks, literally and figuratively, to pound sand.
#30: Having the freedom to use my own, non-Base 10, numerical system.
Prompt: What are 5 everyday things that bring you happiness?
Happiness is for the weak!
But I can’t deny that I’m a weak man. That’s why I can’t resist the milkshakes my gut absolutely does not need…
So what makes this weakling happy?
Waking up to my wife snoring makes me happy.
I don’t like being awakened, but I do like the indisputable, audible evidence that she’s still alive, and, at least today, I’m not going to wake up next to a corpse.
Waking up to my dog making noise does not make me happy. Quite the contrary, when this happens, I seriously contemplate ending that mutt for disturbing me.
But I’m always too tired to do it.
So far…
Hearing the kiddos playing, together, on their computers, or with the dog, makes me happy.
During normal waking hours…
Waking up on a Saturday or Sunday morning, with no messages from work on my phone, makes me happy.
Long weekends and vacations make me happy. Unless they involve a lot of stress or driving. Then, not so much.
Leaving the office at the end of the day on Friday makes me happy.
It’s the longest possible time before more work…
Prompt: When are you most happy?
I have the most intense bursts of happiness when I am unexpectedly reminded of my amazing family. For example, when I saw this while squeegeeing the windshield this morning:
ian m dudley 