The Great Peanut Heist OR How Most of my Days End

Ah, Mr. Dudley, I see you’re home after a long day at work.

You look tired.

The crows aren’t here right now, but if you toss down some peanuts, I’ll watch over them for you until the crows get here.

Make sure no untoward miscreants abscond with the good crows’ comestibles.

No trouble at all.

Happy to help.

Did you actually fall for throw a peanut? I’ll just take a closer look to be sure.

Did it land here?

Or over there?

Definitely over there.

Hmm, looks and smells sub-standard.

I’ll just take this back to my lab to make sure it’s safe for the crows to eat.

I’ll bring it right back if it is.

Yoink!

So long, sucker!

 

Not the action hero we wanted

And not the one we need either

 

This. This is what I’m dealing with.

I step out into by backyard and I’m greeted by this shifty bastard, staring me down while rubbing his paws together with glee.

“No. I expect you to die, Mr. Bond.”

I put out the peanuts for the crows.

He acts before they even notice.

The thieving mini T-Rex that he is!

Stealing off the fence with the greatest of ease.

Up!

Up!

And away!

 

Almost, but not quite

After my coffee ritual and breakfast, Big Daddy and Little Lady showed up.

Demanding their peanuts.

As I went out into the backyard to leave the peanuts on the fence, the squirrel showed up.

The thieving bastard squirrel.

Bold little sh*t practically walked up and mugged me for a peanut.

Took it, then turned his back on me.

Then thought better of it and ran into a tree.

Where he taunted me.

And Big Daddy and Little Lady.

They were not happy he’d made off with one of their peanuts.

But I left out more, which they got because Thieving Bastard was occupied.

Eating his ill-gotten gains.